Fusion
by Bagpipedesaster
Summary: Set after Sara told Grissom about her family, this is a non canon GSR story. Rating for third chapter.
1. Female Element

**FUSION**

A GSR story written by Bagpipedesaster

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters

A/N: This is non-canon, most likely OOC, and it starts after Sara told Grissom about her family.

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1. Female Element

After Grissom had left, Sara tried to figure out how she felt about him knowing so much about her now. As always when she came to think about him, she felt insecure, unsure of what she really wanted. It made her weak and she hated feeling that way.

Over the last years, she had made several passes at him, had challenged him, had wanted him to see her as a woman, and had wanted him to want her. And at the same time she had to admit that she was also glad that he didn't play along. Although it hurt, although his rejection had bad effects on her self confidence.

But this way, in her fantasies he was exactly how she wanted him to be. She could make him do anything in her mind. And she did. Whenever she couldn't bear being lonely anymore, whenever she felt vulnerable and in need of comfort, whenever she needed proof that she was desirable as a woman, he did and said exactly the right things in her fantasy.

He was her rock. Solid, dependable, strong and thoughtful.

And each time she had tried to make him want her, she had deliberately taken the risk of destroying this refuge. The self – destructive part of her personality had forced her to risk the only thing that kept her sane again and again.

Because the Sara that people knew was only one side of her being. She was careful not to let anybody see how fragile she really was, how much she was living on the edge most of the time. She kept the image of the independent, strong woman that could cope with anything that happened alive, no matter what the cost.

She never let anybody take control over her life. Of course that caused problems at work. She was not good with authorities. She knew it, but couldn't and didn't want to change it. It was part of her survival plan.

Even her relationships followed that dictate. They where short, served the purpose of meeting physical needs, and she was the one who started them and took what she needed. She was the one who left and she never cared. She never gave up control, never let anyone see her soft side, and she was never satisfied.

With Grissom it would be different. If he would take her up on her offer the game would be out of her hands. Because it would matter. It would destroy her if it didn't work out. She wouldn't even have her fantasies left if he turned out to be different from what she dreamed.

So most of the times, when she was stable enough she knew things would best be left the way they were now. Sometimes, when the ghosts of her past and the challenges of the present were too much for her to bear, she charged, risked everything she had, just to feel alive.

And on rare occasions like now, when Grissom had just done something that he would do the exact same way in her dreams, she even allowed herself to hope that her dream had a chance to come true.

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The next chapter: Male Element, is almost done. So you won't have to wait long for an update.

Reviews and suggestions or speculations are welcome.


	2. Male Element

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2. Male Element

After his talk with Ecklie, Grissom sat in his office trying to go through some papers. But somehow he couldn't concentrate on his work.

"She's all yours", Ecklie had said. That phrase kept popping up in his mind. As if it was that easy.

He had done everything he could for the last years to keep her at an arms length. Had acted as if he didn't see her. At least not as a woman.

He knew he hurt her, knew how hard it was for her deal with his rejection. He saw her sometimes inappropriate behaviour as what it was: A pledge to be taken notice of, a cry for attention and a desperate try to hide her pain.

And yet, he figured the alternative would hurt her even more. If he gave in to his longing he could only disappoint her. She was young, still trying to find her place in this world, while he was comfortable right where he was. She still got angry over injustices, violence and brutality that he had long accepted as being just another aspect of human behaviour.

He felt like he had nothing to offer and he didn't want to live the cliché of older man with young woman. He didn't mind his age, although sometimes when he watched her he wished he was ten years younger. She was so beautiful.

He had often thought about what he could give her. He would be there, he would listen. He would be the one she could rely on, the shoulder to lean on.

But, until today, he had been sure that she didn't need any of that. She was so strong. She was stubborn, smart, aggressive, tried to never show a sign of weakness.

He had never been sure of why she flirted with him. Did she want to prove something to herself; did she have a father-complex? He didn't know. He just couldn't believe she really wanted to be with him.

And, because he was the older one, the one who had set his priorities on his job, he was the one who had to resist.

All that had changed today. When Sara had told him about her past, when had cried in front of him, when she had let him see through her facade, he had realised that he might be exactly what she needed. That the things he had to give seemed to be what had been missing in her life.

That realization changed everything. He had to admit that putting his job first had been part of his attempt to convince himself that he was no good for her. In fact he had come up with all kinds of reasons not to be with her because deep inside he couldn't understand why she would want him at all.

And he needed to understand, it was part of who he was. He couldn't make a decision based on emotions; he had to think it through. He trusted his brains, not his heart. But know they both said the same.

And he could picture himself holding her, comforting her, making love to her. And he knew this was what he wanted more than anything else: To be the man that she needed.

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The next and last chapter: Fusion, will be up soon.

Please review.


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